Melting Away Already

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Had an upside down week which ended on a better note. Hung out in Pasadena a lot this week. My sister and I wanted to walk around on Colorado where all the stores are. We didn't buy anything but we had fun window shopping. It was incredibly hot so it was pretty stupid of us to walk under the sun. On Saturday I was in Pasadena again. Even hotter this time. There was an art show we wanted to go to at the Armory. It was alright. We had more fun afterward....when we walked around in the scorching sun and then rewarded ourselves with sweets.

After Pasadena...we all went home to recover from the heat and then we went to downtown LA and walked around. Ended the night with billiards in Sherman Oaks.

It feels good to hang out with people. Any break I get from my worries I appreciate. What I dread is when it's time to go home. I always want the night to last as long as possible. This fear kicks in and makes me forget that I will see my friends again - that this isn't the last time we'll hang out. I think this "condition" has developed from the situation I've been living with since I was 16. I don't expect things to be good because when I've been happy, it's been ripped away. I try to stay as neutral as possible. I get nervous when there is something to look forward a concert or a trip because I feel that something terrible is gonna happen that will prevent me from going or feeling happy. I know that it's all in my head. Just the same way that I've learned this behavior from my environment, I'm gonna learn to reverse it. So far I think I'm going in a positive direction. It's easy to get discouraged along the way so I feel like I'm not progressing as fast as I'd like, but I think it's gonna be ok.