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Ahhh I don't know where to start. My parents are both dentists. When we moved here from Sweden, things were really tough for my parents. They had to take all the dental board exams required in California so that they could get their lisence here. They had to go back and study everything that they had learned eighteen years ago. It was really tough on my mom because she didn't speak English that well and they exams are in English. It was hard on my dad too, but he can take stuff like this...he is stronger. Anyways..it took them three years, but they finally recieved their lisences. They leased a small office where they worked together in. My dad also worked in Beverly Hills four days a week. During those times, my mom had to work alone in the office..doing other things like billing and calling patients...she developed a lot of stress. My mom is not a confident person at all...and when she is feeling down or when things go wrong...she always blames herself. She is a perfectionist...everything has to be done perfectly or she doesn't like it. She is constantly cleaning the house...when it doesn't need to be cleaned. Small things like this just kept on adding up...and now she can't use her right arm. She is constantly in pain..and the pain is spreading. It has been three years now..that she is in pain. I am always taking her to a new doctor..because they don't know what to do. Yesterday I drove for two hours to get her to this really good acupuncturist. He said that he thinks the problem is her nervous system. My dad called USC and reserved an appointment with a specialist. I hope that they will be able to figure out what is wrong.

Even though I feel sorry for my mom, I am really mad at her. She never looks after herself...always worrying about others...other people who don't care about her. I always tell her to do what she wants to...not what others want her too..or think is the "right" thing to do. She says she listens...but she never does. I feel like she is not trying hard enough. I feel like she is giving up. And that is what hurts the most. She believes that she is never going to get better. I don't know if she will or not...but she should try to make the best of everything...she should excersize...go shopping...hang out with friends...but she never does.

I used to worry a lot about my mom...but now my worrying has shifted toward my dad. He is constantly reading health magazines...trying to find something that could help my mom. He is always looking for doctors. He tries to lighten up my mom's mood...trying to find something to cheer her up with. He works so hard everyday...and then he comes home and is tired..and has to deal with this. He always says that everything is okay and that he is fine....but there is only so much he can take before he becomes sick, and that scares me. I am always trying to spend time with my dad, making sure he is alright. If he is tired I try to do what he needs to do. I help him with errands and at work or picking my sister up from school...or taking my sister to drumming classes...or taking my sister to her friends house to study.... My sister is busy with her senior year...she doesn't help around...I don't blame her for not helping, but I wish she would understand what is going on. She always thinks about what she needs to get done, and then she worries about other things.

Ahhh so yesterday my sister got sick..she still has a fever, but she's getting better. I picked her up from school and made her sleep. My mom got worried about her and called my dad(which she shouldn't have done because when he gets worried he could make a mistake while working) and told him. The house was a mess, so I had to first take care of my sister while telling my mom to not touch the dishes(she has to relax), and then afterwards do the chores. When I finally got to my homework...I was exhausted. I have so many feelings and thoughts in my head that I can't concentrate. I don't know what I should worry about...my family or my school work. Next to my family..school work seems like a stupid thing to worry about...but it's my future. This might sound a little strange...but these two days that my sister has been home...I haven't had to wake up extra early to take her to school...or wait on her for 40 minutes to pick her up or take her to her extracurricular activities....it's been relaxing...it's been nice. I wish she could hurry up and grow up so she can take care of herself...I used to when I was her age..why can't she???

My mom hasn't gone to work for two months now...she is always lying around at home. I sometimes dread comming home...it's just too depressing. I always wait patiently for my dad to come home...since I find comfort in him. AHHHHHHHH my life sucks!!!!!!

I wrote a lot. Sorry! I just needed to get this out of my system. I have nobody to tell this to. I would like to tell my dad, but I don't want him to worry about me too...he has way to much on his mind. Thanks for reading you guys~