I just had a break down and I don't know what to do. I've been sitting on the floor and cried for the past hour. I am so unhappy. I am so incredibly unhappy and I don't know how to turn myself around. I miss him so much. I feel left behind. My sister is always occupied with her boyfriend and friends. I asked for her help a few weeks ago when I had another break down and she said she couldn't help me because she was tired. I can't talk to my parents because my mom is just not in a state to help anyone and my dad is overloaded with so many problems. I do talk to him whenever I'm sad...but I am sad all the time and I don't want to burden him. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been sad for so long and I don't feel any better. I've done nothing today. Just sat in my room. I tried to read, but I couldn't. Tried to fold some laundry....tried to do something productive. I just feel like crap. I feel so lonely. I am so tired. I am always on my own...always trying to fight for myself. But I'm tired.
Nothing is going well. I'm doing well in school, but otherwise, I just feel so alone. I have nobody to share anything with. A friend of mine told me he liked me and then started acting weird and would tell others strange things about me that weren't true. Basically...people I held very close to me, aren't there anymore. I've become isolated and feel lost.
The person I love....my best friend, doesn't love me. I haven't seen him for months.
Whenever I was sad...whenever I needed to get away from home because of troubles with my mom, he would be there. He would pick me up from wherever I was and hug me and make me laugh. I knew I had somebody who stood up for me.
I don't know where to go now. I cry at nights when I'm in bed. I hug the crocodile he gave me and fall asleep. I have the happiest dreams and then I wake up and realize that nothing is like my dream and then I go to school.
I just want to be happy like everyone around me. I don't want to be a downer. I don't want to have a sad life. I just feel like....all these years....with all these hardships....I haven't had a moment of being completely happy. I want someone to care for me too....I am independent...but sometimes it just sucks.
I wish I had a girlfriend who would take me in and comfort me and make me watch happy movies or something fun. I have never had that...Guys don't understand. They just make me feel worse. I
I'm not sure what I'm writing. I just want this horrible feeling to leave me. It's starting to physically hurt me. I feel guilty for being so depressed....my life is so so good in comparison to others. I know that. So I feel guilt when I'm crying to myself. And that makes me more depressed. I feel weak and worthless. I try to cheer myself up. I talk to myself and say 'don't cry..it's not gonna change anything'. I don't know what I'm doing.